Onli in da Pilipins: Luxury – Pinoy Style

By Aby Yap

Surveying the hacienda from your terrace, you say to your little boy/girl, “Look around.  Everything that your eyes can reach shall be yours.” You smile smugly. The child gives you a weird look and yells for milk. Growing bored, you sprawl out on the divan next to a heart-shaped Arowana pond. You clap your hands three times and slaves looking like Piolo Pascual or KC Concepcion (take your pick) rush by your side and start feeding you mangga with bagoong. Or, tukneneng with sukang pinakurat.

It’s all up to you. It’s your fantasy. As dreamers would say, “Libre lang ang mangarap.”

 Lifestyles of the Lucky

Too bad for the bitter ampalaya, though. A few Pinoys were born rich, others are famous and have become rich, and some are just plain lucky that it hurts.

If your surname is Zobel de Ayala, Lopez, Cojuangco, Gokongwei, or any of the monosyllables Sy, Tan, Ty, Yap (Yup, I’m the missing heiress. Libre lang ang mangarap.), then Luxury is most certainly your middle name. It’s a given we already know by heart without any tinge of resentment. No news there. Boring. Blah.

So, we move on to more “interesting” personalities, how they spend their pesoses endlessly piquing our curiosity even as many of us slowly die from the Green Monster attacks. Oh, but how we love to be masochists time and again — not just during elections.

Especially when it’s about the Pacquiao family. If envy could strike, 94 million Filipinos would have been knocked out by now. And why not?

Manny is the PHP1.13 billion man. He’s got a mansion in General Santos City, South Cotabato with a swimming pool patterned after — surprise, surprise! — a boxing glove. His home in Los Angeles (in the US of A, not in Pampanga) is a US$2.16 million mansion. Recently, he joined Forbes Park’s roster of proud homeowners with a mansion worth a whopping PHP388 million! Bentleys, Lamborghinis, and Porsches are his garage toys, putting P-Noy’s second-hand 2007 Porsche to ukay-ukay level.

Wife Jinkee is every girl’s object of inggit with her PHP7 million yellow diamond earrings and indecent collection of designer bags: Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Birkin — apparently, nine Birkins are never enough. Wait, did you know too that she’s Paris Hilton’s new BFF? That’s ouch for you and Nicole Richie.

Party animal Mommy Dionisia, of course, is today’s most celebrated bag lady. Her PHP1 million orange Hermès bag says it all. Pretty much like Imelda and her 2,000 shoes or Gloria and her US$20,000 Le Cirque dinner.

Having chest pains already?

But we haven’t even gone to Willie and his wealth yet. Luxury vehicles including a PHP70 million yacht and a PHP200 million private plane; real estate including vacation houses, resorts, the Wil Tower Condominium, the Wil Theater Mall, the Wil Television Station (last one is a wild guess) — can you say Wowowee?

Or, shhh, the “PCSO bishops” and their Mitsubishi Pajero, Toyota Grandia, Mitsubishi Strada, Montero Sport, Isuzu Crosswind, and Nissan Pathfinder.

Hey, you still breathing? Chill lang!

Our Brand of Extravagance

While 0.1% of Filipino families (the so-called elite according to the 2006 Family Income and Expenditure Survey results) squander their cash on stuff that makes the rest drool, 99.9% of us choose to redefine what luxury is. As if we had any other options.

So, what if the coňo revel in their gorgeous PHP4 million Jaguar? You have your own chauffeur-driven Tamaraw FX! For just PHP20, you can ride/sleep with complimentary A/C while listening to Nicole Hyala and Chris Tsuper, and other snoring passengers. Kailangan pa bang i-memorize ‘yan? What do you need 350 kmph for anyway when bumper-to-bumper traffic is the norm in Metro Manila? Besides, it’s a jungle out there come rainy season; a Jaguar drowning in waist-high floods is a pretty frightful sight.

From the jungle, we fly to paradise. Oh, forget the “we.” Unless you’re part of Robert De Niro’s/, Madonna’s/Tom Cruise’s/Mariah Carey’s/ Samuel L. Jackson’s entourage, chances are you haven’t caught a glimpse of Amanpulo, where no ordinary Juan has gone before. With rates from US$800 to US$4,500 per night – excluding airfare (now you know why), we’d rather patiently wait for Piso Fares and go on plane trips even without the free Zesto and/or cupcake. Well, at least the goal to reach all 79 provinces of the Philippines is achievable in your lifetime.

So is going through life without ever having to do your laundry, iron your clothes, clean the house, cook meals, tend to your kids/pets, paint your nails, and make rounds in the neighborhood for the latest tsismis — thanks to Inday or Boy, our dakilang kasambahay. Having a domestic helper may be considered a luxury in other parts of the world, but definitely not in Pinas. She/He can easily be your distant cousin from a far-flung barrio hoping to try it out in the big city. So, you “welcome” her/him into your home, “give” her/him a monthly “allowance” of PHP2,000 (if you’re barat), and you don’t even have to agonize over SSS, NHIP, HDMF, 13th month pay, and VL/SL.

Indulging in your luho is very much possible so long as you have little cash to spare or huge doses of diskarte. A DSLR to join the in crowd? Test your haggling/combat skills in Hidalgo, Quiapo. Spa treatments? There’s always Manang Hilot and her classic ventosa massage. Buffet meals? Fiestas in the Philippines happen all year round; you might even be lucky to bring home some pabalot.

In the Philippines, there are pre-defined luhos to fit every lifestyle or well, pay grade. Libre mangarap, but in the Philippines, certain luxuries can be bought for a song!