The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: “Jet Set”

The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: “Jet Set”

The adventures and misadventures of a ‘not so average’ Pinay trying to make it in the cosmopolitan city of Dubai

“Paging all passenger of Emirates Airline EK 333 bound for Dubai. The boarding gate will close in ten minutes.”

Oh…my…goh-leeee….Dizzizit! In a few minutes, my dreams will about to be true! I will finally ride an airplane – a real one – not like the one in the perya that goes around 360 degrees Celsius Fahrenheit…….

So, wearing my furry ukay-ukay sweater, my Scottish-inspired skirt, scarf, beret (very French, huh?) and black knee-high socks with black shoes (I wanted boots, but my sister said I’d look like an Equistinarian without a horse!), I sashayed down to departure. I have to look like a real high class tourist – so the immigration will be convinced, since I only have a Visit Visa. The more I look like fashion model, the less they harass me – and ask silly questions.

Speaking of silly questions, here’s my question and answer portion at the immigration of NAIA; after seeing my passport, they wanted another ID, so I gave my old employee ID card. But it says that my name is Annie B. – yes, just plain Annie B. becoz that’s how everyone call me, becoz I love disco-ing and gimmick-ing. You know, like Annie Batungbakal? Nora Aunor? Jolina Magdangal? Halleer! And it also comes from my family name Batobalani – as in Batobal-ANNIE? Getsung mo?

But they ask if my passport is fake. “Sir, my real name is Daffodil Athena Calumpong Batobalani. Athena, for the Greek goddess of wisdom, and Daffodil, latin name: Narcissus Pseudo narcissus – because my mother said I was narcissistic even as an infant. “(Haaayyyy…)

“Who is this Floricel Calumpong that is sponsoring you?” Ano ‘to – Family Feud???!!!

“She is my cousin, sir. She is into the transportation industry. I am going to stay with her during my vacation in Dubai.”

And then the loud speaker spoke, “Last call for passenger of Emirates Airlines EK 333…”

Oh noooo!!!! “Sir, I have to go now, I will miss my flight.”

“Ok, you may go.” Thank Gooooodddd!!!

I finally arrived at the gate, about to make my grand entrance, when I noticed that my foundation melted with my sweat! I quickly wiped off the smudges with Gatsby Oil Control Film Strips. Remember Annie, Oilyness is next to ugliness – no, Voila! Fresh as a Ricky Reyes model!!! Ganda na uli ang lola nyo!!! I put on my Jackie O sunglasses. “Oooo….kaya nyo ba yan?”

I was seated beside two Pinoys. One looked like April Boy Regino complete with stone washed maong jacket, bull cap and huge, glittering bling-blings, the other like John Regala. They barely spoke but kept on staring at me all the time. Well, I can’t help it if they find me attractive, noh?!

Then all of a sudden, the rest of the passengers were also staring at me. “Ma’am, the seat belt sign is on, please fasten your seat belt. We’re taking off in a few seconds…” the stewardess told me.

“What seat belt? I’m afraid my seat has no belt. Maybe you need to transfer me….” I snapped back.

“Ma’am, you’re sitting on your seatbelt. Please fasten them now!” “Aaahh…so that’s what’s scratching my T-back underwear all this time – the seat belt!”

The plane started to move…Dizzizt!!! In a few hours, everything will change and my new life as a jetsetter will finally take place. Watch out, Dubai – here comes Annie B!