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The adventures and misadventures of a ‘not so average’ Pinay trying to make it in the cosmopolitan city of Dubai
It’s happening – my skin getting dry, my nose is moisty, my armpits are sweaty, and my bungang-araw are hume-hello….yes…summer time is just around the corner – all the signs are telling me to hit the beach!
One Friday afternoon, my flatmates and I headed for the Jumeirah Open Beach – by chance, try to meet new guys and display our pang-Temptation Island outfits. Armed with kalderos of adobo and steamed rice with matching litro of softdrinks , we set up our area at the beach where everyone can see us. Of course, the traditional kodakan would always be there – for new pictures to send to our family back home and upload in our Facebook.
But by sudden twist of faith, a group of six-footer Russian girls started laughing as we were doing our version of Viva Hot Babes’ Bulaklak. Aba, aba, aba! Who are they making fun to? We maybe all under 5 feet and 2 inches but our legs are definitely shapelier and our skin smoother than theirs. They look like a bunch of Super Sireynas wearing those tacky colorful swimsuits anyway. Annoyed and opended, we decided to set up our banig in another area. Then I gave them the finger. Etong sa inyo, o!
We continued to explore the rest of the beach when I suddenly spotted a fafa – some Arab buy who’s looksalike Collin Farell – jogging. I had to put on my Vina Morales spirit in an instant and started jogging away. I ran as fast I could so the cute habibi would notice me, but after twenty minutes, I got the feeling he’s not interested. So, I stopped and I decided to try the water and thought of other tactics to attract other guys. Sayang naman ang outfit ko noh!
While doing my backstroke, I didn’t notice that I was swimming far away from the shore. Suddenly I realized that I was alone. Then in a wink of an eye, I saw something coming towards me…it was a black fin….as in ANAK NG PATING…. Jaws na itu!!!! I paddled as fast as I could, but the more I moved, the more I sank into the water – I’m losing control……Jaws koh….I think this is the end of my life…. I could feel the water getting colder….dizzizit-so-not-it!!! HEELLLLPPPP!!!! Jaws ko pooo…..may pateeeeeeeeeeeng!!! The boat is sinking!!!
Then I felt a strong force grabbed my hair… anak ng….wala namang ka-poise-poise itu oh! I felt like a dog being rescued from drowning. When we reached the shore, the guy who saved me out of the water dragging my left arm…araay…teka, teka…then he said, “Hay salamat, akala ko nalonod na….akala ko nagainom ng tobig. Mukhang cunsyus naman si Ati eh….” I saw his face – “uy, kisig Pinoy!” It was the Pinoy lifeguard.
Before the opportunity walks away, I quickly pretended to be unconscious – so that he’ll revive me by mouth-to-mouth resusotacion – French kiss na itu!!!
But I think he knew that I was faking it. Still I didn’t move….as my friends were starting to panic and tarantated. Deadma pa rin ang lola nyo-pagkakataon ko na ito noh! But instead of the Pinoy lifeguard coming close to me, it was and old Indian guy with long ang kinky beard that wanted to give me a mouth-to-mouth “Ok, I kiss Filipini now….Oh noooo…. I quickly opened my eyes and breathed loudly – hirap pala magpigil ng hininga!!! “I’m ok! I’m ok!!” I shouted just as the old bearded man was trying to lay me down the sand again. “I sed, I’m okay!!! Maga-patuka na lang ako sa ahas!!!!!!
Dizzizit!!! Ayoko na….who thought my first beach escape would turn out to be such a disaster? From the Russians to the pa-delicious Arab jogger to the sharks and to the Father Tropa lifeguard wannabe? Hay, this is too much! Hindi kaya ng powers ko! Next time, I will just sun bathing in my flat rooftop by myself. Yes, life is a beach…but mine is a double beach!!!!!
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